


The Curious Case of the Fifth Valet

by vanillafluffy



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Artificial Intelligence, Gen, Mad Science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 04:59:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17522399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillafluffy/pseuds/vanillafluffy
Summary: When Sherlock fires yet another stupid assistant, Mrs. Hudson only thinks she knows what will happen next. The last thing she expects is a robot in her kitchen.





	The Curious Case of the Fifth Valet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Brumeier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/gifts).



When Sherlock dismisses his fourth assistant--this latest one lasted less than two hours--Mrs. Hudson braces herself. She knows what comes next: Sherlock will be cross, mutter about the stupidity of the general populace and start interviewing for another prospective ‘valet’. That, in turn, will cause _her_ more work: answering the door, showing people upstairs, offering tea--in addition to Sherlock making demands of her that ought to be made of a valet. She has no desire ever to do his laundry again, but wearily supposes it’s inevitable.

To her vast surprise, Sherlock doesn’t insert the usual advert in the _Times_ again. Instead, most of his time is spent up in the attic, working on some project. He sends for tea and occasionally appears looking for food, but whatever it is has him thoroughly engrossed.

After three weeks of this, she walks into her kitchen one morning and it’s occupied by Sherlock and a curious contraption. _Like a mechanical scarecrow,_ she thinks. It’s an upright figure--there’s a head covered with a mask, a torso she recognizes as the kick-boxing dummy Assistant #2 left behind, and the whole thing is mounted on…. “That’s not my Roomba, is it?” she asks suspiciously.

“Oh, good. Come here, Mrs. H., and let my new valet memorize you.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“It has visual recognition, in addition to its other abilities. I was just showing it which mug I prefer my tea served in.”

She steps forward and inspects the ‘valet’. “Why is it wearing that awful sweater?” She seems to recall Assistant #1 owning it originally, but it seems absurd to have a robot wearing clothes.

“As a means of maintaining privacy. Several of its features are my own design, for which I’ll be obtaining patents. Until that time, I feel it only circumspect not to advertise the new technology.” He appears quite satisfied with himself; it’s been a long time since she’s seen him look so pleased.

“And the mask?” Because it looks vaguely familiar…hadn’t someone wearing it broken in and tried to kill Sherlock with a dagger? It hadn’t ended well; it took days to get all the blood out of the rugs.

Sherlock actually chuckles. “A touch of whimsy, I confess--like displaying the heads of one’s enemy on pikes outside the castle’s gate. Still, most people won’t make the connection. To them, it’s a perfectly ordinary, mass-produced likeness of Bilbo Baggins.”

“I presume that thing in the middle of its forehead is a camera of some kind?”

“The most obvious one, yes. There are several in total. It actually _does_ have eyes in the back of it’s head…or, to be accurate, at the base of its neck. There’s even an extrudable--” He falls silent. “Well, that’s probably more than you’ll ever need to know. If you’d be so kind, please demonstrate how to prepare a mug of tea so that it can begin to learn the process.”

“You mean to tell me that thing can make tea?”

“Not yet--so far, I’ve only taught it to lace my trainers and how to wash my socks. Hence the demonstration.”

“Alright. First thing you do is--”

“You’ll need to address it so that it understands you’re giving it a command.”

“Address it? As what, ‘Tinman’?”

“Its full title is ‘Wits and Technology Serving Our Needs’--but you can all it W.A.T.S.O.N.”

…..


End file.
